The Valiant Woman
The Homily for the Liturgy of Christian Burial
Scripture Readings:
The Valiant Woman: Proverbs 31, 10-31
St. Paul, 2nd Corinthians, 5-8
St. Matthew 6, 19-34
Mrs. Karen Lynn Reime Siddall
(Tuesday, June 7, 1960 – Friday, December 10, 2021)
The Cathedral of St. Peter
10:00 AM, Wednesday, December 15, 2021
His Excellency,
The Most Reverend Edward K. Braxton, Ph.D., S.T.D
Celebrant and Homilist
Silence…Silence…
There are no words, no words, no words at all to express what we are all feeling at this hour. We are still in the fog of unbelief, wishing that what had happened had not happened. Perhaps we should simply sit in silence turning over in our hearts the personal, physical, and
spiritual, drama that has unfolded in our midst since that terrible day, April 9, 2015, when she received the diagnosis from her oncologist. She once told me that she had a list of questions which she hopes to share with God, when the time comes. Somewhat lightheartedly, she suggested that I pass out these questions to you on this day inviting all of you to meditate on them in silence.
Dear Tom, Dear Kim, Dear Michael, Dear People of God:
Every year the world tells us that we should spend the Advent days between Thanksgiving and Christmas, in frantic shopping, decorating, addressing cards, and planning meals and social gatherings. Do anything other than thinking about the coming of Jesus Christ 2,000 years ago, the coming of Jesus Christ at the end of time, and the coming of Jesus Christ at the hour of our death.
Every year John the Baptist storms out of the desert into our Advent, half naked in scratchy camel’s hair, eating dried locusts and wild honey, preaching a baptism of repentance for our sins, shouting: Get Ready! Get Ready! Prepare! Prepare the way of the Lord! The crowd, thinking he might be the Messiah, ask John, “What should we do? How should we prepare?” How do we get ready for the coming of Christ?
Of course, she knew! She knew how to prepare the place for Christ to be born anew in her heart, in her family and in the cold stable of our world. She did not learn this recently, she learned it years ago in the home of her mother and father, Joan and Harold Reime. She continued to learn and teach how to get ready for the Lord at St. Augustine school; as an extraordinary young wife and mother; as a grandmother pouring herself out in love for her children’s children; as a generous and caring neighbor; as a manager of real estate; as an active member of this Cathedral parish; a model of Christian faith; working with young couples preparing to marry; filling vessels with sacred oils during the Chrism Mass; as the one who took superb care of the Bishop’s Residence for many years. As my coworker in the Ministry of Hospitality, her dedication was without equal. Her towering example of persevering faith, in the face of life-threatening illness, made it clear that she knew how to prepare His way, how to be ready for Him.
In the singular way she cared for her family and the way she ministered to me and so many others, in spite of suffering, she gave us a powerful example of grace under pressure. Karen is a kind of latter-day John the Baptist in our lives, showing us every day that she loved the Man who carried His winnowing fan in His hand, the Man who had baptized her with the Holy Spirit and with fire!
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“Who shall find a Valiant Woman?”
The Spirit of God blew the breath of life into Mrs. Karen Lynn Reime Siddall on Tuesday, June 7, 1960. Her journey from God to God ended on at 9:30 PM on Friday, December 10, 2021, in the beautiful home she made for her family. She centered her life around nurturing her family. With pride and joy, she told me, “I may have a kind of sixth sense, because sometimes I simply know things.” She said, the first time she saw you, Tom, she knew that you were the man she was destined to marry.
“My love for him has only grown during these 41 years. I know my children and grandchildren will care for and comfort him.” She sometimes could not help boasting about how much other people admired and loved her husband. She is attentive to the smallest desires of the members of her family, even baking several different pies for the same meal, so everyone could enjoy their favorite! And, more profoundly, her selfless family love overflowed during the brief life (July 15, 2017-August 6, 2017) of her beloved grandson, Harrison Robert Siddall. She pointed out August 6 was the Feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord and spoke with anticipation of seeing him healthy and without blemish.
Karen loves taking her grandchildren to Belleville parades, seeing them dressed up for Halloween, and buying them their favorite toys (little dinosaurs and unicorns). She also liked sneaking out with me on a “secret mission” on a rainy afternoon to see a thought-provoking movie of which most people had never heard. Karen read widely. She always had the book she was currently reading on the kitchen counter. When she saw that I am reading N.T. Wright’s “Paul: A Biography,” she wanted to know everything I was learning about the peripatetic preacher. She studied the drafts of my writings on the “racial divide,” providing informed criticisms and insights. When I wanted to get her a special gift for her 60th birthday, I knew a St. Louis Blues Hockey jacket would be perfect. She sometimes liked to escape into Netflix movies (one of her favorites is “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”). In our work together, she grew in her appreciation of classical music. I cannot hear Bach’s Christmas cantata without seeing the smile of enjoyment on her face. And thanks to Karen, you, Riley, may be the only eight-year-old who immediately recognizes Erik Satie’s piano composition, Gymnopédie.
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“Who shall find a Valiant Woman?”
“Her worth is more than the rarest pearl brought from distant shores. The heart of her husband trusts in her and from her comes only gain. She shall bring to him goodness, never sorrow for all the days of their lives. Her children rise up and are first to call her blessed.”
Karen always takes excellent care of the Bishop's Residence, making sure that everything was spotless and the newly vacuumed carpets showed no foot prints, preparing delicious meals for numerous guests, received hundreds of visitors, and coordinating appointments and meetings. I loved the way she said “Look at you!” when she taught me a better way to cook something like French toast. And the way she said, “You’re so sweet” when I would tell her how fond I was of her and how fortunate I was to know her. She is certainly not the “housekeeper.” No, she is my co-worker in the Ministry of Hospitality. With her mastery of the SONOS System, she filled every room of the house with magnificent music appropriate to the season. She made the house radiant with Christmas beauty, especially with her arrangement of my Italian Christmas crèche.
Alas! This year may be different. Karen has been a companion on the Christian journey, whose depth of faith in God and whose love for Jesus Christ has inspired and challenged me since our first meeting many years ago. She turned the kitchen of my Residence into a sanctuary of spirituality and my study into a setting for frequent, in-depth conversations about our childhood, our families, politics, social strife, art, religion, our mysterious dreams, and much more. We are each other’s confidant, easily disclosing the major truths of our soul-space, listening attentively and trusting each other completely.
Our theological dialogues are far ranging: God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, scripture, prayer, the Catholic Church, the Mass, sin, morality, the sacraments, our thoughts about atheists, agnostics and religious extremists. Inevitably, our conversations turned to the questions of innocent human suffering, untimely death, and the hope for the Life of the world to come. We often prayed together and took comfort from the Sacramental Presence of Christ in my chapel.
Karen has very strong opinions and she does not hesitate to share them. In a recent conversation, we talked about the expressions people sometimes use when someone dies. They avoid the word “death” preferring to express “sorrow for your loss.” She bluntly said, “But I won’t be ‘lost’! I will be dead, with the confident hope that I am on the way to Eternal Life with Christ.” She did not like to hear people say, “You should ‘get over’ your loved one’s death. After all, ‘life goes on.’ I don’t want my family to ‘get over’ my death, as if it didn’t happen. I pray that, with the strength that can only come from faith and with real concern from people who love them, they will ‘get through’ the experience.” She said, “I never ‘got over’ my parents’ deaths. But I ‘got through’ it.” “Life goes on” seems to suggest that after some months of grieving, life goes on and people gradually forget about the person who died to avoid painful memories. She said the expression, “Life goes on” should remind believers that the Life of the person who has died does indeed “GO ON.” They do not simply live in memory. Hopefully, they live forever with God. Should we even speak of her in the past tense? Should we say “She was” or should we say “SHE IS”? Unapologetically Catholic, Karen believes in death, the Christian lives on either in the joy of Heaven, the purification of Purgatory, or the punishment of Hell.
When she insisted that I ask you not to canonize her but to pray for her, she liked the words that I shared with her of St. Thomas More to his family the night before he was beheaded. “Dear Ones, You should Pray for me, as I will pray for you, until we meet merrily again in heaven!”
Ponder these words we just heard from St. Paul’s Second letter to the Christians living in Corinth:
“We know that if our earthly dwelling, a tent, should be destroyed, we have a building from God, a dwelling place not made with hands, eternal in heaven. Now we walk not by sight, but by faith.”
“Who shall find a Valiant Woman?”
“Knowing that industry is its own reward, all the night long her lamp light burns. She sets her table with the finest of foods. With goodness, strength, and beauty is she clothed. Protected by her own industry and good repute, she greets the morrow with a smile.”
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My dear Tom, dear Michael and Krista, dear Kim and David, dear Riley and William, dear Ava and Ella, dear Michael and Laurie, dear Mark and Stacey, dear Barry and Jimmy, dear Diane and David, and dear Cheryl and John, dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ:
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven. Where your treasure is, There also will your heart be.” Karen understands these paradoxical words from the Gospel of Mathew. She stores up her treasure in heaven by living Jesus’ Law of Love. Love God completely, love your neighbor as yourself. She was generous to a fault; there was nothing she would not do for you.
- She loved caring for the Priests of the Wisdom Community. When Priests came from abroad to serve as Missionaries in our Diocese, they stayed with me in the Bishop’s Residence for 2-3 months to prepare for their ministry. She taught them how to cook, how to use a dishwasher and a washing machine. She taught them how to iron their clothes; how to live independently in rectories without the housekeepers they had at home. Several times a year, she prepared lunch for the two-dozen Priests in the Wisdom Community. She was eager to learn about the cultures of their homelands in Nigeria, Poland, Columbia and Kenya.
- When I suddenly became ill while celebrating a special Mass in my private chapel, she took charge immediately, swiftly arranging an ambulance and getting me to the hospital, perhaps saving my life, while keeping the whole matter quiet and out of the news, and unknown to the curiousest.
- Karen and my sister, Patricia Braxton-Wills, enjoyed a great friendship and when she learned that Patricia had suffered a stroke, she was quick to call and comfort her, sharing things she had learned about building up the body’s immune system and encouraging her to persevere.
- The day her niece, Melisa was critically injured in a car accident, she was deeply distressed wishing she could change places with her, marveling at Melisa’s courage and optimism. She worried so about Melisa’s parents Dianne and David and worried anew when David fell ill.
- Karen was so strong loving and wise full of laughter and wit, enjoying every second of her life, hoping against hope that she could prolong her life until Christmas, not for herself, but for Tom and her family. “I do not want my grandchildren to forget me.” Help them learn their faith, love their faith, and live their faith.”
Dear Michael and Krista, Kim and David, how proud she is of you. How she prays that your dreams will be fulfilled in your new homes.
Dear Ella, your grandma loves it when you scrunch up your nose and give her nose kisses. Dear Ava, your grandma enjoys watching you play with Michael’s old toys and doing the very things Michael liked to do.
Dear Will, your grandma never missed your soccer games, no matter how she felt. And she cherishes your hugs and snuggles!
And Dear Riley, your grandma was so happy that she could see you perform in the national ballet competition in Daytona Beach, Florida. She made a special effort to get down to the beach with all of you. And of course, never forget that rules are different at grandma’s home.
How she loves all of you!
Every morning when I asked dear Karen how she was feeling, she was always ebullient and full of laughter as she told me how much she enjoyed the windy, stormy weather the night before, or the fascinating dreams she had, or what a great time she had out to dinner with the whole family at a favorite restaurant. But on that morning just days after Easter in 2015, I knew something was wrong. Her face was shaded with anxiety. We were in the dining room when she told me of her diagnosis. After she spoke those words: We embraced. We prayed. And we wept. Then, she immediately set out to learn about her illness, in order to do everything she could do to keep it at bay for as long as possible.
Karen and I always wanted to know about each other’s health. She knew that if I was kept in the dark all I would was worry and pray, pray and worry. At one point, she seemed to experience one calamity after another! I told her that, even though I was praying for a miracle, I needed to know what was going on. So, we sent texts back and forth almost daily.
But this time, we were caught off guard! She had been in and out of the hospital so many times, we initially thought she would be coming home once her breathing problems were addressed. But, then one week ago today, we spoke by phone for the last time. She calmly told me she would be going home that day. However, I noticed with concern that she did not mention any form of follow up treatment. Later that afternoon, she sent me a final text which I have read over and over again. I now realize in the final words of that text she was telling me, without using the words, that the dreaded day was at hand.
The poet says, “When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in her may be clearer in her absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.” I certainly hope this is true. Karen could be my younger sister. Karen, how we appreciate you! Karen, how we admire you! Karen, how we love you! When I think of you, my memories will be happy ones. When I pray for you, my prayers will be full of joy. The burden of my grief at this dark hour is heavier than any of you can know.
After I anointed Karen for the last time on Thursday afternoon, I invited Tom to trace the cross of Jesus Christ over her forehead, joining her suffering with that of Christ and the mystery His resurrection. As we witnessed this death in Advent, our trembling faith was strengthened by Karen’s confidence that Christ for whom she was well-prepared and for whom she longed had come. She knew how to prepare. She knew how to get ready. For our beloved Karen, it is Christmas! Light candles everywhere, it is Christmas! Sing Gloria in excelsis Deo, it is Christmas! Christmas that lasts forever!
“Who shall find a Valiant Woman?”
Many good women have enriched their homes, but amongst them Karen is unrivaled. Winning ways may be deceptive, and beauty is but a breath. It is the woman who fears the Lord who shall be renowned. For works such as hers claim their reward. With great praise shall we call her name, Karen, Karen, Karen, now and forever!”
Her favorite Prayer:
“Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, our Mother. To thee do we come, before thee we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer us.”
“Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, Dear Karen: And flights of Angels sing thee to thy rest!”
Amen! Amen! Amen!